- 3:30 pm - Thu, Apr 4, 2013
- 3 notes
Maybe 10 miles just isn’t my distance…
- 2:28 am - Sun, Sep 30, 2012
- 3 notes
Thank y’all so so much— everybody who was pulling for me. I don’t think I was passed at any point by anyone wearing a mechanical Disney costume weighing more than 5 lbs., so we all have that to be proud of.
And I didn’t make my time!! So all you cool cat pledgers out there are off the hook. I’ll get the wrist business done in the next week or so— leave me alone I’m on vacation.
- 8:12 pm - Fri, Sep 28, 2012
- 18 notes
A word about the donation being raised by the folks of the Matt Won’t Make It platoon. It’s true and worth saying, but it’s also wildly melodramatic, so I’ll throw it after the jump.
- 9:51 am - Thu, Sep 27, 2012
- 5 notes
OR: RENAL 911
The good news is that the race is happening this Saturday! The bad news is that my kidneys are on the fritz! In the past week I’ve been to the ER three times, rolled around the floor of my bathroom a fair amount, and spent four days (and counting) in a medium-deep oxycodone fugue. Frustratingly, I haven’t gotten a positive diagnosis on my condition, but it seems a lot like multiple kidney stones accompanied by a fair amount of inter-organ bleeding.
So: I’m still running the race! I’ve got a round of appointments on Friday, and unless those good folk take a biopsy out of my side or forbid me to travel, we’re doing this thing. And all bets are on! In fact, the betting is still open, so if you’re liking your chances, you can still bet some money for Make-A-Wish that me and my dollar-store kidneys are not going to run very fast. You’d need some pretty big balls to bet against a guy who’s poked full of IV holes and bedridden, but MAYBE THE SICK KIDS OVER AT MAKE-A-WISH ARE WAITING ON SOMEONE WITH SOME BALLS.
Yeah, it’s not a great idea for me to run. But it wasn’t a very good idea to begin with- no particular reason to bail on it now.
- 8:11 am
Get To Know A Supporter!
Name: The Basile Family
Pledge Amount: $50
Why The Basiles Are Confident That Matt Won’t Make It: “Because he is the King of Guacamole!”
What They’re Going To Do With The Money That She Pledged When Matt Doesn’t Make It: “Make a huge amount of guacamole and invite him over!”
- 5:26 pm - Wed, Sep 26, 2012
- 1 note
Get To Know A Supporter!
Name: Andy Beckerman
Pledge Amount: $20
Why Andy Is Confident That Matt Won’t Make It: “Over a jar of agave-sweetened Oolong tea last week, Matt confided in me that he didn’t have legs. ‘I’ve never had them,’ he whispered into an arm-length alpenhorn, the sound achieving a normal volume as it reached my ears. ‘This whole race thing is a sham. I have these leg-holograms and my patented Anti-Grav Unit to make it look like I’m at a normal human height, but all I can do is hover, and hovering don’t win no races, don’t it?’ Matt took a sip of the tea, and noisily spit it out on the floor. ‘What is this garbage? Cat piss? Where’s my goddam root beer?’ Matt paused for a moment as I brought him a root beer; his eyes widened suddenly with fright, ‘By the way, don’t tell anyone about the leg stuff. And certainly don’t write it into that pledge thing I asked you to type up, and which I won’t see until it’s posted online.’”
What Andy Is Going To Do With The Money That He Pledged When Matt Doesn’t Make It: “Let me say off the bat that I am not anti-religious – that needs to be right out there up front – but still, I am going to use the money to mount an attack on God and hopefully beat him up. I know that you are asking yourself, ‘Why would this putz launch an attack on The Almighty, blessed be he?’ And the answer might surprise you. Or it might not. I’m not you, and I don’t know how you were raised. That’s why humor is so variable. If it surprises you in a playful way or a truthful way or a pointed way, you’ll laugh, but that surprise is based on a load of factors including class, race and geography. So it’s cliché to say “Diff’rent Strokes” but – hey, not to get off on a tangent, but remember that show? Diff’rent Strokes? What did Willis always say? You know, his catchphrase. Was it, “Dynomite!”? Or was it, ‘You hear that Elizabeth… I’m comin’ to join ya’, honey!’? Oh, wait, it was, ‘Studio 60 is the most important sketch show that ever existed.’ What a great show that was! Anyway, one time God punched my dick off, and that’s why I’ve got a beef.”